Healthy Nurse, Healthy Nation® Guest Blog: When the Silent Treatment Hurts More Than Words: How Unforgiveness Impacts Your Heart
Published
Guest blogger shares how forgiveness can benefit your physical health
By Rajitha Bommakanti, BSN, RN, FCN, NBC-HWC
We’ve all experienced the sting of betrayal, the fallout from a painful argument, or the long silence that follows unresolved conflict. Sometimes, we let those wounds fester. We hold onto anger or avoid the person entirely convincing ourselves it’s easier that way.
But what if holding onto that pain is silently hurting your health?
Recent research shows that emotional disconnection when linked to unresolved conflict or loneliness can elevate the risk of early death by approximately 32% (Harris, 2023). When you're stuck in resentment or bitterness, your body reacts as though it's under constant threat. Stress hormones surge, your heart rate and blood pressure rise, and inflammation builds (Naito, et al. 2023). Over time, this internal tension wears down your cardiovascular and immune systems (Naito, et al. 2023). As the American Heart Association notes, both perceived and actual social isolation are linked to higher rates of heart disease, stroke, and cognitive decline (American Heart Association, 2022).
Forgiveness as Medicine
Here’s the hopeful part: forgiveness is a powerful form of self-care.
In Forgive for Good, Dr. Fred Luskin (2002) describes forgiveness not as excusing harmful behavior but as freeing yourself from the grip of past pain. He writes, “Forgiveness is the act of freeing yourself from the grip of past hurts, paving the way for genuine healing and inner peace.”
Forgiveness lowers stress, strengthens your immune system, and promotes emotional resilience (Mróz, & Kaleta, 2023). It literally helps your heart heal. Even if reconciliation isn’t possible, releasing resentment lightens your body’s load (Mróz, & Kaleta, 2023; Upenieks, 2020).
Ask Yourself:
Your Healing Prescription
Inspired by research and real-life stories, try these steps this week:
Your heart is not just a pump, it’s a compass. When it’s burdened by resentment, your entire body pays the price.
You don’t have to wait for an apology to reclaim your peace.
Forgiveness is the medicine your heart may be waiting for.
Rajitha Bommakanti is a dedicated nursing professional committed to promoting nurses' health and well-being. Through evidence-based holistic coaching, she inspires and empowers individuals to confidently overcome challenges and reach their full potential.
References
American Heart Association. (2022). Effects of objective and perceived social isolation on cardiovascular and brain health: A scientific statement from the American Heart Association. Journal of the American Heart Association, 11(16), e026493. https://doi.org/10.1161/JAHA.122.026493
Harris, E. (2023, June 28). Meta-analysis: Social isolation, loneliness tied to higher mortality. JAMA, 330(3), 211.
Luskin, F. D. (2002). Forgive for good: A proven prescription for health and happiness. HarperCollins Publishers. ISBN-13: 978-0062517210
Mróz, J., & Kaleta, K. (2023). Forgive, let go, and stay well! The relationship between forgiveness and physical and mental health in women and men: The mediating role of self-consciousness. International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health, 20(13), 6229.
Toussaint, L. L., Owen, A. D., & Cheadle, A. C. (2012). Forgive to live: Forgiveness, health, and longevity. Journal of Behavioral Medicine, 35(4), 375–386. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10865-011-9362-4
Upenieks, L. (2020). Forgiveness of others and subsequent health and well-being in midlife: A longitudinal analysis. BMC Psychology, 8, Article 70. https://doi.org/10.1186/s40359-020-00470-w
Wang, F., Gao, Y., Han, Z., Yu, Y., Long, Z., Jiang, X., Wu, Y., Pei, B., Cao, Y., Ye, J., Wang, M., & Zhao, Y. (2023). A systematic review and meta-analysis of 90 cohort studies of social isolation, loneliness and mortality. Nature human behaviour, 7(8), 1307–1319. https://doi.org/10.1038/s41562-023-01617-6
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Join our monthly challenges at hnhn.org/challenges!
But what if holding onto that pain is silently hurting your health?
Recent research shows that emotional disconnection when linked to unresolved conflict or loneliness can elevate the risk of early death by approximately 32% (Harris, 2023). When you're stuck in resentment or bitterness, your body reacts as though it's under constant threat. Stress hormones surge, your heart rate and blood pressure rise, and inflammation builds (Naito, et al. 2023). Over time, this internal tension wears down your cardiovascular and immune systems (Naito, et al. 2023). As the American Heart Association notes, both perceived and actual social isolation are linked to higher rates of heart disease, stroke, and cognitive decline (American Heart Association, 2022).
Forgiveness as Medicine
Here’s the hopeful part: forgiveness is a powerful form of self-care.
In Forgive for Good, Dr. Fred Luskin (2002) describes forgiveness not as excusing harmful behavior but as freeing yourself from the grip of past pain. He writes, “Forgiveness is the act of freeing yourself from the grip of past hurts, paving the way for genuine healing and inner peace.”
Forgiveness lowers stress, strengthens your immune system, and promotes emotional resilience (Mróz, & Kaleta, 2023). It literally helps your heart heal. Even if reconciliation isn’t possible, releasing resentment lightens your body’s load (Mróz, & Kaleta, 2023; Upenieks, 2020).
Ask Yourself:
- Is staying angry worth sacrificing your health?
- What toll is this grudge taking on your sleep, your peace, your body?
- Could forgiveness be more for you than for the other person?
Your Healing Prescription
Inspired by research and real-life stories, try these steps this week:
- Identify the Fracture
Who have you distanced yourself from due to unresolved conflict? What emotion rises when you think of them? - Reflect on the Cost
Journal or meditate on how this disconnection has affected your body, mood, or relationships. - Forgive for Good
If reconnection feels safe, consider reaching out without expectation. If not, write an unsent letter or practice internal forgiveness. This is about releasing the weight, not condoning the hurt. - Rebuild Connection Elsewhere
Nurture a relationship that energizes you. Just one meaningful conversation a week can reduce cardiovascular mortality by 23% (Toussaint, Owen, & Cheadle, 2012).
Your heart is not just a pump, it’s a compass. When it’s burdened by resentment, your entire body pays the price.
You don’t have to wait for an apology to reclaim your peace.
Forgiveness is the medicine your heart may be waiting for.
Rajitha Bommakanti is a dedicated nursing professional committed to promoting nurses' health and well-being. Through evidence-based holistic coaching, she inspires and empowers individuals to confidently overcome challenges and reach their full potential.
References
American Heart Association. (2022). Effects of objective and perceived social isolation on cardiovascular and brain health: A scientific statement from the American Heart Association. Journal of the American Heart Association, 11(16), e026493. https://doi.org/10.1161/JAHA.122.026493
Harris, E. (2023, June 28). Meta-analysis: Social isolation, loneliness tied to higher mortality. JAMA, 330(3), 211.
Luskin, F. D. (2002). Forgive for good: A proven prescription for health and happiness. HarperCollins Publishers. ISBN-13: 978-0062517210
Mróz, J., & Kaleta, K. (2023). Forgive, let go, and stay well! The relationship between forgiveness and physical and mental health in women and men: The mediating role of self-consciousness. International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health, 20(13), 6229.
Toussaint, L. L., Owen, A. D., & Cheadle, A. C. (2012). Forgive to live: Forgiveness, health, and longevity. Journal of Behavioral Medicine, 35(4), 375–386. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10865-011-9362-4
Upenieks, L. (2020). Forgiveness of others and subsequent health and well-being in midlife: A longitudinal analysis. BMC Psychology, 8, Article 70. https://doi.org/10.1186/s40359-020-00470-w
Wang, F., Gao, Y., Han, Z., Yu, Y., Long, Z., Jiang, X., Wu, Y., Pei, B., Cao, Y., Ye, J., Wang, M., & Zhao, Y. (2023). A systematic review and meta-analysis of 90 cohort studies of social isolation, loneliness and mortality. Nature human behaviour, 7(8), 1307–1319. https://doi.org/10.1038/s41562-023-01617-6
Not a member of Healthy Nurse, Healthy Nation (HNHN) yet? Join today!
Join our monthly challenges at hnhn.org/challenges!
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10/14/2025 9:04am CDT
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