Embracing Caregivers

I'm involved with an elderly couple, one of whom has Alzheimers. I've been giving his wife support by going for walks with her, and helping her advocate for her own needs when interacting with the sons of her partner. she has felt over-loaded with too many responsibilities, the exercise together has been great for us both.

After reading some responses to my posts, I am going to take another look at motivational interviewing technique.  Perhaps this will help me to help my family caregivers and myself to find ways to self-create ways to mediate stresses.  

My Dad had a heart attack this last year.  I think he is doing fairly well but even then I see the strain this has put on my Mom.  My Dad has a hard time remembering  all the new things he has to do---medications, doctor appointments and the like.  My Mom has had to step in to be sort of a "parent" to her husband, My dad. It has been challenging!   She worries about him.  It stresses her out.  My Dad doesn't like this.  It is a weird dynamic that I think happens to a lot of the US population.

I am a nurse and geriatric care manager. 10 months ago, my husband and I took on the care of his 93 yr. old mother and I now find myself without words to describe the exhaustion that comes from being alert to her situation and care needs on an hour-by-hour basis.  I agree with others who have posted that finding affordable and reliably good respite resources can be daunting, and it can be especially so when the person needing care is thrown into a state of anxiety and disorientation by any change in routine.  We cannot take her outdoors for time on the patio, or a wheelchair ride around the neighborhood, without her becoming angry and confused.  So, though I was good at finding ways to care for myself during my years of acute care nursing, I find myself humbled and challenged to be self-responsible during this experience. I find myself using the words, "you need to take care of yourself," less often than I have because they are just an empty directive without reliable, individualized resources to back them up.   I am not without hope.    

Finding consistent respite resources for the caregiver is a chronic problem

I see the shortage of help available or funds if help is found. 

I am the oncology educator for a large ambulatory cancer center in California.  As such, I do not have regular ongoing contact with family members that are patient caregivers.  I am looking for resources and innovative ways to support the nurses as they work to provide care and support others. 

I attended a lunch n learn at our hospital last week entitled Caring For The Caregiver that was very interesting and really helped me see how everyone is a caregiver in some ways. It also talked about how we can support each other and appreciate the talents each caregiver has to offer.  For example, being grateful that a sibling has offered to mow the yard instead of doing the personal cares for a parent because the yard work is also important!  Helping people  see  that leads to better partnerships and less resentment among caregivers.

Taking the time to listen. It will be myfirst putting forth so much thought to it. So many times we have the “clinical eye” easy to address the burnout family members when they lash out or about to. However, do I follow through i.e., do I call family member (s) to let them know we are still a team available to listen and care for their concerns specifically without judgment or non-constructive pointers? This challenge will help me be more mindful of words and actions both of myself and those of my patients/family members. Healthcare is a team. Without one another we cannot succeed as effectively as when we engage community-teamwork mindset. 
As for us nurses, I believe this challenge  can help us be more of a team, and listen I one another without the lash back when we let another nurse know in confidence the burden is getting a bit to much to handle and we may need words of encouragement, some aid/assistance and maybe some coffee as well :)